This was my first ever fanfiction--long before I got involved with J/C. I always thought there was more to the relationship than met the eye, so I am now
getting back into it. Thanks to the author of "Pandora Principle" and to DC comics for some of the ideas used here. This was archived in the startrek usergroup
under my other pen name of MinPK...
Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em. Is it my fault I make up this stuff.
Part 1: Saavik
She sat at her desk in her quarters, her cheeks fevered and burning.
She wasn't sure if her symptoms pointed to what she believed. Her mind
argued that it wasn't logical, but her body told her something else.
Her heartbeat was quicker then normal, her concentration was lacking.
Saavik got up and paced. She wasn't due to be on duty for another
hour, but since her concentration was gone, she decided to move, or to
be precise, it was like she needed to move, or she would go absolutely crazy.
She had volunteered to be helmsmen for the Enterprise after
Hikaru Sulu was promoted to Captain of his own ship. Saavik knew her
path would lead back here someday. Her tour of duty had been uneventful,
except for the time that her inhibitions were decreased by a passing
life form that wanted to experience lives from members of the Enterprise
Saavik had behaved most illogically. She knew she had and was
conscious of the fact when it happened, but she wasn't in control of
what she was doing or saying. When Spock had sent her down to discover
the secret of the anomaly, she had at first tried to find the answer,
using logic as her guide. She had never declined an assignment from
Spock, since Saavik believed that she needed to be helpful. When the
intruder took over her body, she not only found the answer, she, as
humans put it, she "came on" to Spock. Or to Saavik's dismay, tried to
attract Spock. After the lifeform left her, she was left normal, but her
thought processes were somewhat scrambled and it took her a couple of
days to put the images and feelings together, to order her mind.
Saavik had later told Spock, or more precisely, had apologized to
him for her illogical behavior. She had asked him point blank if he
remembered the incident on the Genesis planet, what she believed to be
the root cause for her behavior. Though Spock had denied it, Saavik
believed that he knew more then he was telling her, though he had never
given her any reason at all to believe that he was purposely deceiving
"...Only time and circumstances beyond our control will define the eventual nature of our bond."
Spock had told her when she had admitted what had been troubling her.
But that had been two years ago and nothing had happened to make good
the bond that had been forged. In fact, she expected Spock to forget all
about the conversation.
Saavik returned to her present condition. Though she knew that very
few Vulcan women experienced pon-farr, she also was aware as to how
different she was. She wondered if the Romulans went through anything
similar. Saavik hesitated to talk to Dr. McCoy. Besides, if pon-farr was
the trouble, what could the doctor do for her anyway.
What was most challenging to Saavik however, was the fact that her
depleted mental condition put her at risk. She had at certain times and
occasions, been able to read Spock. If she could sense him, then surely
he could sense her. She was more aware and concentrated on keeping her
thoughts away from her problem. The last person she wanted to know was
Spock. After all, he had been her teacher and had taken care of her
when all of Vulcan wanted to deny that she and the others even existed.
Saavik pulled on her maroon uniform jacket and headed off to duty.
Her trouble would have to wait until after her shift to be debated on.
Now, she had a job to do.
1300 hours came and so did Saavik. She took her place at the helm
and ran through all the checks in her head. Heat still flamed in her
cheeks, the color flushed on her cheeks apple green. Since the mission
the Enterprise was on wasn't much more then a research mission, the time
on duty was rather boring. Captain Kirk had been in and out. Spock
worked busily at the science station. Saavik glanced over in his
direction, noting how calm and collected he looked. Saavik refocused
her attention on her duties and her station. Her mind wondered back into
the not so distant past. . . .
Inside the warmth of the cave, a young Vulcan wrapped his arms
around himself and rocked, while at the same time, uttering small cries.
From the mouth of the cave, Saavik listened. She had been debating in
her mind about what she should do since Dr. Marcus had left her and
Spock. Time was beginning to become critical. At the rate at which he
was aging, there was no time for thoughts. It had to be now or never.
It wasn't as if she hadn't thought of it. Ever since Spock had told
her about the mating of Vulcans, she had been dreading something like
this. He had told her for males it was different.
"How?" she had asked.
Spock had taken a deep breath and sat down. "Males and
females may mate at anytime they wish. But since the time that Vulcans
began suppressing their emotions, there has been a need to release the
emotions that we strive to suppress. Every seven years, the emotional
build up becomes unbearable. The males must take a mate or die."
It haunted her ever since. Maybe because she wasn't bonded, or
perhaps because she knew that Spock wasn't either. That more then
anything, should she choose to admit it, scared her.
Saavik pushed the thought out of her mind. She finally got the whole
story from Spock a few years later and when she was established at
Starfleet Academy. Very few of females ever went through the ordeal
themselves, but more often then not, Spock had told her, the women were
more apt to die before anything could be done to help them. Saavik had
made him describe to her in detail what he experienced when he went
through it. She was amazed that he had only went through the ordeal
once. She began recalling the symptoms in her mind and crossing them
with what she had been recently experiencing. She had also begun to
shield her thoughts a great deal more in recent days. Since the incident
on Genesis, she had discovered that she could sometimes sense Spock and
he confessed that he too could sense her. Saavik did not want Spock to
know what was wrong. She did not want him to worry, as he sometimes did
(though not admitting it).
She stared out into the stars and unconsciously let her mind wonder
again. Her dark eyes held to the stars that she had watched as a child
on Hellguard and claimed as hers. These were hers. Unknown to her, her
concentration had wavered to a point where she was unconsciously letting
them flow: her suspicions as to her condition and what she must do.
Spock, in the midst of scanning, sensed Saavik's thoughts, stood up and
looked at her. Her movements gave away no hint that he was sensing her
thoughts. Admirable, he thought. She is more concerned about me then herself.
Part II: Spock
Spock had never told Saavik that he occasionally caught glimpses in
his mind about what occurred on Genesis. When he had went back to Earth
to testify for his fellow crewmates, it was because he was there, in
McCoy's mind and physically with Saavik. Though only memories, he knew
that they were a key to who he was now, part of his emotional
development. He had decided that she had done the only logical thing
that she could have. He knew she had saved his life, as he had done for
her years before. To his amazement, his relationship with Saavik was
turning into something else. Though Spock realized that she had found
herself, she still relied on him for the questions that she needed
answered. He had gone from teacher to father and though the memory was
fragmented, from father to lover. Spock could not count the times he had
spent in debate with himself over the situation.
Saavik was like him in many ways. As she grew and matured, his
admiration for her grew too. Spock had come to the point in which there
was no word in the Vulcan language to describe what he felt. The only
word to describe it was love. In vain, Spock struggled with the thought
of being in love. He had known the feeling twice before, under the
influences of time and spores. There was nothing afflicting him now,
only this observation that she needed him as much as he needed her. With
Saavik, there was no uncertainty, no wondering if he was being judged
by who he was. With Saavik, there was trust, peace, every thing his
tortured mind lacked on its own. There could be no blame on behalf of
the human side of him. This was a logical decision, made by a man who
had denied himself for too long. Saavik had made a choice once before,
now Spock intended to return the favor, the only way he knew how.
Spock stepped down to the lower level of the deck and looked at her. Saavik was occupied watching her stars.
"Lieutenant," Spock said quietly. "This is going to be a dull shift.
Since you appear to be distracted, and there is no foreseeable problem
arising for the future of this mission, you may have the remainder of
your shift off." Startled by his voice, Saavik looked into his eyes and
caught a glimpse of something she had recently began to see, something
that she couldn't quite put a name to.
"Yes, Sir. Thank you." Saavik secured her station and left the
bridge. Spock caught her look as she stood in the turbo lift, waiting
for the doors to close. Complete relief. Saavik's look was all Spock
needed for his decision.
He went over to Uhura's station. "Commander. I have a matter which
needs to be resolved elsewhere. I need you to watch the conn until the
Captain Kirk comes on duty. I shall be unreachable for the next two
Uhura nodded and Spock turned on his heel and left. In the turbo lift, he closed his eyes and reached out with his mind...Will you...
Part 3: Thought
...trust me? Saavik looked up from her hands. Her mind went
back to Genesis where she asked that question to a young Spock. Did he
know? Did he remember? Saavik hoped he did not. But she need to confide
in someone, she needed that more then anything. Her mind reached out to
his. Is this the nature of that bond you spoke of when we were stranded? Is this the time? A single word reached out and touched her mind, Yes.
Saavik knew that Spock was on his way. There was no use pretending
that her condition was anything less then physical. Spock, Saavik
guessed, had uncovered the truth. Saavik went out of her way to avoid
him the past few days, and had even went as far as switching shifts with
Commander Chekov to avoid being anywhere near him, where he could pick
up on her thoughts or see the condition she was in. Saavik had not been
able to look him in the eye after his katra was reunited with his body.
She didn't think she could do so now either, not without betraying what
had been building for four years.
Spock stood outside her quarters. He didn't know what to expect. He
sighed deeply and quietly said to the computer. "Computer, when I have
entered this room, engage security under my voice command only." Spock
had disengaged the buzzer, the internal monitors and communications from
his own quarters. Spock knew that Saavik was like him, requiring
privacy. Spock quizzed the computer one more time. "Comply?" he asked,
raising an eyebrow.
"Affirmative." the computer responded. Spock let out a small sigh of relief. He couldn't afford any distractions, not now.
Spock entered the room, behind him, the door locked. For the first
time in months, they were alone, face to face (sort of). He stood with
his hands clasped behind his back. Saavik tried, but could not look at
"You seemed distracted during your shift, Saavik. Is there anything
troubling you that I should be aware of, as your commanding officer?"
Spock was using formality. Saavik bit her tongue to avoid the heated
reply she wanted to say to him. Yes, Spock, something is wrong. Saavik
looked up and met his gaze, the first time in a long while that she had
been able to.
"I didn't want you to know. You have too much to do already then
occupy yourself with me. This is something that I can take care of on my
own." Spock quietly crossed the room and stood directly in front of
"No," Spock said gently. "You can not take care of this by yourself.
Only another Vul..." Saavik did not allow him to get the rest of the
"Another Vulcan can what, Spock?" Saavik raised her own eyebrow.
"What truly brings you here? Concern? Obligation? Vulcan honor?" Saavik
watched his face to see if any of these registered in his eyes. Saavik
had made her mind up long ago that the only way she would accept him was
by his own admission, not pity, guilt or honor. And least of all, duty.
She saw nothing, except a steady gaze. She asked the final portion. "Or
is it a decision between duty and love?" Saavik saw it then. In Spock's
face, something registered. "Which is it?" Saavik pressed.
Spock studied her for a moment. Saavik could tell that he was
carefully formulating a reply. When Spock finally spoke, she was moved
as she never had been before.
"Saavik," Spock began. "It is a decision that I arrived at, by logic
and something that I can only call 'intuition'. I know what you are
going through. I know the burning of your blood. I would be lying if I
told you that duty did not have something to do with why I am here. I
took a responsibility or duty when I took you off of Hellguard and
brought you with me. It was my duty when I taught you. It was my duty to
see that you were taken care of. " Spock paused, weighing his next
words carefully. "However, it is love that has brought me here now."
Saavik didn't know what to think. The admission in his words had, to
quote humans, shocked her. She had expected logic. Anything less from
Spock would have made her doubt all his motives. She broke her gaze from
him and stared straight ahead, toward the door, concentrating on one
spot. His scrutiny made her cheeks flame even hotter.
Spock watched the dark head. "You saved my life more then once.
Now, it is my turn." Spock said quietly. They had saved each others
lives time and again, too many to count.
Saavik stood up and looked directly into his eyes. For a moment,
neither of them spoke a word. She had looked into them when her body was
borrowed and didn't see what she had then hoped to see. Now, everything
she had ever dared to believe, lived in the warmth of Spock's dark
eyes. Saavik understood. The openness of his thoughts came through
silently, but clear in her mind. I can not afford to let you die. Spock heard her reply in the quiet of her quarters. I do not want to.
Spock gently lifted her chin with his finger. The slight contact
with her made many feelings surface. Spock and Saavik knew what the
other was thinking. Never, with the exception of giving her a new lease
on life and world to call home, had Spock given her anything so openly.
He had devoted much of his time, his life, for her.
"No, you must not. It is my problem." Saavik protested, tears
suddenly springing to her eyes. Tears that she refused to let fall.
Spock had only seen her cry once. She didn't want him to her cry again.
"It is not your problem, not yours entirely....not anymore." Spock
said quietly. Spock looked at her intently and by instinct, kissed her.
Nature took over. Saavik's arms went around his back and Spock drew her
toward him. Only twice before had Saavik felt his heartbeat with hers,
but never like this. The uncertainties faded into the embrace that they
shared, gently forcing out the old rules and traditions. Two tormented
souls found peace within the other.
They pulled away from each other, arms still about each other.
Saavik saw a half smile on Spock's lips, something, she had never in her
life seen him do. He gently pushed a curl from her forehead, realizing
just how deep a bond they shared and how much Saavik affected him "I did
"I didn't want you to know. I have for a long time."
"Why did you never say anything?" Spock raised his eyebrow, a gesture Saavik was all too familiar with.
"It wouldn't have been logical, Spock." Saavik said quietly. "I thought that perhaps you would not understand."
He raised his eyebrow again and she hesitantly reached up and
touched it. A slight rush went through her finger and into her mind.
"You do love me, don't you?" Spock let her go and turned his back to
her. He unfastened the flap of his uniform jacket and pulled it off,
laying it over her chair. Saavik began to wonder if he would have second
thoughts. With his back still towards her, she heard the deep
comforting voice say simply, "Yes". But Spock wasn't ready to say it
himself. He could only answer her question, as he had always done. He
turned back towards her, looking more at ease. Saavik had never seen him
lower his control to such a level before.
"I did not want to tell you. Like yourself, I did not want you to
know. I remember something more every time I look at you. Some feeling
that I can not describe." His next words weren't exactly a plea. "I need
A lone tear escaped Saavik's eye and trailed down her cheek. Spock
reached out and gently wiped it away. "I need you." Was all Saavik could
Part 4: Interlude.
Captain Kirk came off the turbo lift, with Dr. McCoy on his heels.
Kirk's enthusiasm died when he didn't see Spock at the science station.
Uhura was in the center seat. When Kirk stepped down, she immediately
"Where did Spock go?" Kirk asked.
Uhura stepped up to her communications station. "He didn't say,
Captain. He just gave me the conn and said he wasn't going to be
available for the next two shifts."
"Mmmm." Kirk replied. "Probably working down in the labs. We won't
disturb him. He likes to study new phenomenons." Kirk smiled and noticed
the helm chair empty.
"Uhura," the communications officer turned in her chair. "Isn't Saavik suppose to be on duty?"
"Yes, sir. Spock relieved her before he left. He said something about there being no need to have her here."
"Oh. Probably down in the lab helping him."
McCoy leaned toward Kirk. "Two Vulcans in the same room. Should we be worried?" The wry humor tinged his voice.
"Nah, two Vulcans in a lab doing scientific research is to them what Christmas is to us. May as well leave them alone."
Part 5: The Heat of Touch
Spock lifted his hand, fingers splayed in a familiar V shape. Saavik
stepped up to him, her hand in mirror image. Quietly in fashion with
the old ways and traditions, they pressed their hands together. Each
felt the warmth that came from deep within. Saavik was amazed at what
the touch was doing to her. She hadn't felt this intensity with him
before, and certainly not back on Genesis. The emotion and meaning of
the ritual felt right, almost overpowering.
No words were spoken. Each took what the other had to give. Watching
each other, they let their hands do the talking. Saavik shivered as his
fingers touched hers and drew down along her knuckles and back up to
their origin. The touch was intense. When Saavik replied to his touch,
Spock felt the same. The gentle touch of her fingers and heat in them
was affecting him.
As their hands continued their dance, each began to understand what
the other was like. Saavik began thinking of the times she had done
something wrong (especially at the first) and how Spock never held it
against her. She had made a few mistakes and his acceptance never
wavered, even for a moment. She had given her soul on Hellguard so that
he wouldn't die on her world. On Genesis, she knew that if she didn't
assist him, he would die yet again. She had saved him the first time she
met him. Spock had once told her that she needed to follow her own
path. Saavik reasoned her path would always somehow lead back to Spock.
It hadn't been disproved.
As Saavik reasoned within the confines of her mind, Spock did the
same thing. He had been witness to Saavik's growth into adulthood. When
he first met her, he had sensed an intense intelligence that needed to
be stimulated and a curiosity about the universe equal to his own. She
mirrored Spock to an extent and built upon that, her own ways. Saavik
had never let him down and Spock in turn had learned patients that he
himself did not know he had. He was drawn to her then and even more so
now. In fact, Spock had never noticed the profound change in Saavik. He
had never seen her grow. He quickly assessed that he never truly found
it in his heart to leave her behind, even when he went with the crew of
the Enterprise back to Earth. She grew into a beauty that he could
appreciate. Never taking their eyes from one another, their fingers
entwined, signifying an end and a new beginning.
Part 6: "Touched and always touching."
Spock noticed that the color was still high in Saavik's cheeks.
Logic told him that time was of the essence, that the matter needed to
be taken care of, and quickly. But logic also told him, that there was
more then just the physical contact, that they needed to make the bond
complete. He felt a small hesitation from his own mind, but dismissed it
quickly. Spock gestured to Saavik to take a seat. She obediently sat
and watched as he pulled up another chair.
"Now?" Saavik asked. She had melded with Spock before, but not on a
level such as this. Saavik knew that the intensity of the meld would
bond them together for the rest of their lives, never breaking unless
one were to die. From here on out, they would be able to feel and be
conscious of the others presence. The thought comforted and scared her
at the same time. Spock was the closest person she knew, the bond would
make them closer. Saavik was saddened that the relationship could never
be as it was, as a teacher and his student. Now, their actions dictated
that they were to be life long partners. Saavik held his gaze.
" Yes. I have described to you before the nature of the bond." Spock
said. "The bond will determine our lives and define our actions." He
paused for emphasis. "There is no turning back once we have begun. You
do understand?" Saavik understood that Spock was giving her an
opportunity to make a choice between the bond being permanent or just
for the moment. Given her knowledge of her own condition and Spock's,
she knew that only one decision could be drawn.
"Then we meet the challenge. I understand. No matter where our
careers take us, should the occasion arise, we shall seek each others
minds for guidance, traditions and desire. You told me this once
before." Saavik took a small breath. "We need not ever speak of this
conversation again, Spock."
Spock raised an eyebrow in answer. Saavik had answered in an
affirmative way that he could never question. Spock knew that he was
also making a life long commitment that he could never break. Yet again,
Spock knew about commitment. He had once given his life for it.
"Saavik, you have no reservations?" Spock wanted to be absolutely sure.
"I may still have a lot to learn about Vulcan customs, philosophies
and traditions. But I have no reluctance or hesitation." Saavik took
Spock's hands in hers. "You told me everything a long time ago. You did
not have to, yet you did. You have never held anything back from me. I
welcome the chance to know what you know and see what you see."
Spock spoke gently. "Touched. And always touching."
"Yet when parted, I will seek thee." Saavik returned.
Ever so gently, Spock placed his fingers on the pressure points on
her the sides of her face. His touch was light and Saavik could barely
tell that his fingers were even on her. Fingers that radiated a heat
that was strangely comforting. Saavik reached up and placed her own
fingers on the pressure points on Spock's face. She closed her eyes and
let her mind go.
Saavik began to see...
At first there was a sensation of falling. Saavik felt no need to
prepare herself for the landing. In Spock's mind, he would catch her.
He always had. When she felt the sensation ebb, she found herself in
hallway. Doors lined it. Heavy doors that looked like they wouldn't
open, even for her. She was surprised when she opened the first one. It
contained all the worlds and experiences he had in Starfleet. Like a
library tape, she saw how he had sacrificed his life for the Enterprise
and her crew. She saw and remembered how she felt when she learned what
happened. Deep seeded anger and grief had overwhelmed her. She saw
herself in her quarters, fighting back tears and how she suddenly
straightened up, as if Spock had still been with her.
"You knew? You were dead, Spock. How did you know what I did after the announcement was made about your death?"
"I had not fully integrated myself into McCoy's mind. I wandered
through this ship, in essence, becoming part of it. I knew I had
succeeded. It was by chance that I came to you. I wanted to tell you
good bye, that you were now free to follow your own path. I suppose I
could ask the same of you. You sensed me."
"How could I not." Saavik felt herself communicate. "You were the
only one I could tell my shortcomings to. You left me. I felt that the
best part of me died. Buy your death also signified a rebirth for me. I
quickly came to the realization that I knew what you wanted me to be. I
chose the Vulcan path. I transferred to Grissom, to become a scientist. I
knew I could not stay where your memory was. Then we found your tube, I
could not bear the thought of seeing you, as you had died. But when Dr.
Marcus opened the lid and you were not there, I found myself daring to
hope that maybe this was a dream. Then we found you, a regenerated soul,
but not the man that I had come to know."
The door closed on her. She found herself in the hallway with Spock,
his essence. He gestured to another door. Inside was the one thing that
she had never been able to get out of her mind. Spock and Saavik in the
cave. She took a hesitated step toward the door. Saavik turned back
"I thought that you did not remember."
Spock came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. The
touch, though not real, was comforting. "I did not, for along time. I
told you once that I was a primal being, following the only path that I
could. My conscious was within the good doctor. But there was a certain
amount of what was regenerated that registered. You asked me if I
trusted you. You led me through a most difficult passage. Your instinct
saved me from death again. After the refusion, you could not look me in
the eye. I dwelled on that for a long time. Scenes came back to me. I
knew what you were doing."
"I could not blame you. I did not want to embarrass you, so I
treated you indifferently." The door closed on the scene and they were
left in the brightness. Spock gently turned her around so even in his
mind, he could look at her directly.
"To remind you of what happened on Genesis would not have been
logical. After I began relearning, I realized that I could love and
feel. You were foremost on my mind, so I ignored you, so I could protect
myself. Then I saw your look when I came on the Bird of Prey. You tried
to reconcile yourself and when you left, I could tell you were upset.
It was then that I began to re-evaluate my feelings. Much was coming
"I thought the healers..."
Spock laid a finger on her lips. "We never need speak of it again.
That was then. We have a future to consider. No more dwelling. It is now
a new beginning."
Saavik allowed herself to smile. The hallway faded into a
beautiful display of light that bathed both of their minds. All
knowledge that each had accumulated became the memory of the other. The
touch was deep and their minds became one. She saw all that he had ever
seen, all his secrets, his love for her. Spock saw all she had ever seen
and experienced all she had ever felt. The bond went much deeper then a
Saavik opened her eyes when she felt his mind retreat and his fingers leave. She looked up at him. "Spock?"
His deep brown eyes sparkled with more then customary fascination. "Saavik." Her eyes asked Is there more?
Saavik's fever had lessened but was still there. Spock looked at her intently. "What is wrong?"
"I still feel the burning of my blood. Spock, it is getting worse."
Spock held two fingers out to her and she held hers out, touching his.
His other hand, he gently laid across her forehead. Time was running
out. Spock knew there would be no going back. Not now, not ever.
"We need to..." Even now, Spock had a hard time saying what had to be said. "...we need to consummate our bond. "
"Spock, I've only done it once, but not...like this. The last time
was so different." Spock looked at Saavik. He knew she could withstand
the ways of the Vulcan ritual, he had no doubt, but he was as troubled
as she. Saavik rose and paced, her arms crossed in front of her. Spock
watched behind steepled fingers. He knew how different this was going to
be from Leila and Zarabeth. Saavik was an extension of himself. Admit
it, he thought, you have never experienced this with any of your own
"Are you frightened?" Spock asked her.
"No. More embarrassed." she paused. "I know that is not logical, but
that is the only word that can describe...this situation. If we must,
we must." Saavik stood with her back to Spock, her arms still across
her. Spock stood came towards her and with a gentleness that he himself
did not know he possess, wrapped his arms around her waist. He held onto
her hands as if should he let go, she would be gone. Her eyes closed at
Fully clothed, yet the heat burned and was felt by both of them.
Spock had not known a woman could do this to him, and he had been close
to a few. He felt her burning and knew that she was making his own blood
boil. Not even the time displacement with Zarabeth had made him burn
like he was now. Saavik brought out what could only be the human part of
him. He was beginning to understand now. He had in his arms not the
girl he had raised, but a woman. Not even really a woman. Almost like a
wife. Spock thought.
Part 7: ..."Of heat, love and desire."
Saavik turned in Spock's arms and looked into his eyes. The dark
brown eyes glittered in a fashion that she found compelling. Arms
entwined about each other, they looked into each others eyes. Spock had
found out long ago, from watching his friend Jim, that eyes talked
better then words. The customs of Vulcan were placed to the side. Spock
kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and saved her lips for last.
Only when they were both sure of the consequences of their actions and
that they could not go back, did they begin to feel desire. Hand in
hand, they entered Saavik's sleeping quarters.
Initially, there was some embarrassment. Neither had seen each other
in this fashion nor could they hide amusement at the others bodies.
The first time he looked at her, his mind quickly flashed on her on
Hellguard, naked with the exception of some rags tied around her waist.
She had turned out beautiful, her body perfect with the exception of
scar along her collar bone. Saavik's skin was smooth and part of Spock
ached to reach out and touch her. But he waited. Saavik was indeed, well
worth the wait.
When he did the same, she found herself drawn to him in a way that
if she were rational, would drive her insane. His body was slender, and
showed none of the effects of the radiation that killed him. Unknown to
her, he had dark hair that ran down his chest, running down his abdomen.
Saavik wanted nothing more then to feel him against her skin, a touch
more intimate then a touch of the hands. A small voice in the back of
her head called out Saavik, this is the man that saved your life as a
child. Surely you cannot think of taking him as a lover. Your logic has
escaped you. Saavik tuned out the voice. She had started down this path
on Genesis. It was now time to see where the path would end up. The
chill of the room made her crawl under her covers and close her eyes.
Saavik never felt him lay down beside her and pull the cover over
himself too. In the dim light and the red glow of the meditation stone
in her quarters, Spock pulled Saavik to him.
No words were spoken. Gentle tracings of ears and brow lines. Of
lips, jawline and collar bones. She drew in a breath when Spock's finger
traced the scar across her collar bone. When she had been examined by
doctors, never had the touch affected her so. She closed her eyes to the
sensation that his touch was bringing. He raised an eyebrow. Did I
hurt you? came the question into her mind. No. Her mind replied.
Intensity of pleasure that I did not know I possessed.
They continued, gentleness being the greatest factor. Spock found he
could not be harsh with her. He allowed himself the satisfaction of
knowing that he could not rush this. The feelings flowing between the
two was something that he in his collective memory could not even
recall. With Saavik beneath him, he found a desire that could not be
quenched. Her eyes pleaded with him to not hurry and even in the heat of
passion, Spock could tell her thoughts from the meld. Their union was
of electricity and fire. The fires on Vulcan had never burned as
brightly as it did between them. Not even the occasion of consummation
could equal the pleasure, love and desire that each felt for each other.
The consummation made them one, as if they were made to be together,
that two pieces of a puzzle fit. Happiness, contentment, peace, ebbed
out of their passion in a way that was more fulfilling then the
acquisition of knowledge. A road had begun long ago, now the lovers had
found each other. Spent and happy from their union, they slept in each
others arms, their hearts beating as one, together and forever. Saavik
felt the fever lessen, and her body began to feel normal again.
She had never felt anything more thrilling then Spock within her,
mind and body, until she fell asleep in his arms, gentle and shy smiles
on both sets of lips. . . .
Spock automatically awakened himself. He looked at Saavik in the
light of man who had just woken from a dream that he didn't want to wake
from. He watched her a long time in the silence of the room. He was
ready to admit to himself, something that he did not usually think
about. In Saavik, Spock had found love. He was in love with her. Of
course, Saavik would be the only one who would know it. Not even Jim,
Spock thought. He reached over and gently brushed back her hair from her
ears, ears like his. A soft smile played on her sleeping lips and
Spock leaned down and kissed them. Saavik's eyes opened.
"Much. Thank you." Spock held her to him.
"I had no idea of what the bond would be like. Saavik, I...I," The
Vulcan stammered, one of the few times he had ever done it. He knew now
he could admit what he felt openly. "I love you." Spock smiled, the
first time she had ever seen him do so. "I can not imagine my life,
without you at my side. You are the other part of me."
"You need not ever tell me again Spock. I see it when I look in your
eyes. There have been so many times that I wanted to talk to you, but I
wasn't sure what you would think. You have been my savior, my mentor,
my teacher, my conscious, my memory, my dreams, my heart, my affection,
my officer, my captain, my friend, and now my lover. No other can have a
claim to me like that. You are my dearest friend. I know no other
words. Your almost like a. . . ." Saavik couldn't finish. She did not
dare hope. Spock raised only an eyebrow.
"Saavik." Spock held her gaze. "I can call you nothing now that will
equate with what you have become. By every bond, you are my wife. "
"Then I can call you my husband."
Spock's eyes took on a playfulness. "By love and duty." Then he took
on a somber look. "However, you do realize that you could..." Spock
"Spock, if it does, then all of this was more then worth it. That is
part of this path we have taken. You would make a wonderful father."
Saavik's eyes sparkled. They both had time. For the second time, not by
duty, by obligation, or tradition, but for the sake of love and desire,
Spock and Saavik made love.
Part 8: Well...
True to his word, Spock came back on duty after two shifts had passed. Saavik followed him out of the turbo lift and took her position at the helm. McCoy noticed
something different about the way they both walked, that they had done something. Probably discovered a new factor in a gaseous anomaly. You just never know about
Vulcans. Unknown to McCoy and their friends on the bridge, Spock and Saavik were having a chuckle, deep within their minds. One just never knew.