"Bonded"

By Mindy

This was my first ever fanfiction--long before I got involved with J/C. I always thought there was more to the relationship than met the eye, so I am now getting back into it. Thanks to the author of "Pandora Principle" and to DC comics for some of the ideas used here. This was archived in the startrek usergroup under my other pen name of MinPK...

Disclaimer: Paramount owns 'em. Is it my fault I make up this stuff.

Part 1: Saavik

She sat at her desk in her quarters, her cheeks fevered and burning. She wasn't sure if her symptoms pointed to what she believed. Her mind argued that it wasn't logical, but her body told her something else. Her heartbeat was quicker then normal, her concentration was lacking.

Saavik got up and paced. She wasn't due to be on duty for another hour, but since her concentration was gone, she decided to move, or to be precise, it was like she needed to move, or she would go absolutely crazy.

She had volunteered to be helmsmen for the Enterprise after Hikaru Sulu was promoted to Captain of his own ship. Saavik knew her path would lead back here someday. Her tour of duty had been uneventful, except for the time that her inhibitions were decreased by a passing life form that wanted to experience lives from members of the Enterprise crew.

Saavik had behaved most illogically. She knew she had and was conscious of the fact when it happened, but she wasn't in control of what she was doing or saying. When Spock had sent her down to discover the secret of the anomaly, she had at first tried to find the answer, using logic as her guide. She had never declined an assignment from Spock, since Saavik believed that she needed to be helpful. When the intruder took over her body, she not only found the answer, she, as humans put it, she "came on" to Spock. Or to Saavik's dismay, tried to attract Spock. After the lifeform left her, she was left normal, but her thought processes were somewhat scrambled and it took her a couple of days to put the images and feelings together, to order her mind.

Saavik had later told Spock, or more precisely, had apologized to him for her illogical behavior. She had asked him point blank if he remembered the incident on the Genesis planet, what she believed to be the root cause for her behavior. Though Spock had denied it, Saavik believed that he knew more then he was telling her, though he had never given her any reason at all to believe that he was purposely deceiving her.

"...Only time and circumstances beyond our control will define the eventual nature of our bond." Spock had told her when she had admitted what had been troubling her. But that had been two years ago and nothing had happened to make good the bond that had been forged. In fact, she expected Spock to forget all about the conversation.

Saavik returned to her present condition. Though she knew that very few Vulcan women experienced pon-farr, she also was aware as to how different she was. She wondered if the Romulans went through anything similar. Saavik hesitated to talk to Dr. McCoy. Besides, if pon-farr was the trouble, what could the doctor do for her anyway.

What was most challenging to Saavik however, was the fact that her depleted mental condition put her at risk. She had at certain times and occasions, been able to read Spock. If she could sense him, then surely he could sense her. She was more aware and concentrated on keeping her thoughts away from her problem. The last person she wanted to know was Spock. After all, he had been her teacher and had taken care of her when all of Vulcan wanted to deny that she and the others even existed.

Saavik pulled on her maroon uniform jacket and headed off to duty. Her trouble would have to wait until after her shift to be debated on. Now, she had a job to do.


1300 hours came and so did Saavik. She took her place at the helm and ran through all the checks in her head. Heat still flamed in her cheeks, the color flushed on her cheeks apple green. Since the mission the Enterprise was on wasn't much more then a research mission, the time on duty was rather boring. Captain Kirk had been in and out. Spock worked busily at the science station. Saavik glanced over in his direction, noting how calm and collected he looked. Saavik refocused her attention on her duties and her station. Her mind wondered back into the not so distant past. . . .

Inside the warmth of the cave, a young Vulcan wrapped his arms around himself and rocked, while at the same time, uttering small cries. From the mouth of the cave, Saavik listened. She had been debating in her mind about what she should do since Dr. Marcus had left her and Spock. Time was beginning to become critical. At the rate at which he was aging, there was no time for thoughts. It had to be now or never.

It wasn't as if she hadn't thought of it. Ever since Spock had told her about the mating of Vulcans, she had been dreading something like this. He had told her for males it was different.

"How?" she had asked.

Spock had taken a deep breath and sat down. "Males and females may mate at anytime they wish. But since the time that Vulcans began suppressing their emotions, there has been a need to release the emotions that we strive to suppress. Every seven years, the emotional build up becomes unbearable. The males must take a mate or die."

It haunted her ever since. Maybe because she wasn't bonded, or perhaps because she knew that Spock wasn't either. That more then anything, should she choose to admit it, scared her.

Saavik pushed the thought out of her mind. She finally got the whole story from Spock a few years later and when she was established at Starfleet Academy. Very few of females ever went through the ordeal themselves, but more often then not, Spock had told her, the women were more apt to die before anything could be done to help them. Saavik had made him describe to her in detail what he experienced when he went through it. She was amazed that he had only went through the ordeal once. She began recalling the symptoms in her mind and crossing them with what she had been recently experiencing. She had also begun to shield her thoughts a great deal more in recent days. Since the incident on Genesis, she had discovered that she could sometimes sense Spock and he confessed that he too could sense her. Saavik did not want Spock to know what was wrong. She did not want him to worry, as he sometimes did (though not admitting it).

She stared out into the stars and unconsciously let her mind wonder again. Her dark eyes held to the stars that she had watched as a child on Hellguard and claimed as hers. These were hers. Unknown to her, her concentration had wavered to a point where she was unconsciously letting them flow: her suspicions as to her condition and what she must do. Spock, in the midst of scanning, sensed Saavik's thoughts, stood up and looked at her. Her movements gave away no hint that he was sensing her thoughts. Admirable, he thought. She is more concerned about me then herself.

Part II: Spock

Spock had never told Saavik that he occasionally caught glimpses in his mind about what occurred on Genesis. When he had went back to Earth to testify for his fellow crewmates, it was because he was there, in McCoy's mind and physically with Saavik. Though only memories, he knew that they were a key to who he was now, part of his emotional development. He had decided that she had done the only logical thing that she could have. He knew she had saved his life, as he had done for her years before. To his amazement, his relationship with Saavik was turning into something else. Though Spock realized that she had found herself, she still relied on him for the questions that she needed answered. He had gone from teacher to father and though the memory was fragmented, from father to lover. Spock could not count the times he had spent in debate with himself over the situation.

Saavik was like him in many ways. As she grew and matured, his admiration for her grew too. Spock had come to the point in which there was no word in the Vulcan language to describe what he felt. The only word to describe it was love. In vain, Spock struggled with the thought of being in love. He had known the feeling twice before, under the influences of time and spores. There was nothing afflicting him now, only this observation that she needed him as much as he needed her. With Saavik, there was no uncertainty, no wondering if he was being judged by who he was. With Saavik, there was trust, peace, every thing his tortured mind lacked on its own. There could be no blame on behalf of the human side of him. This was a logical decision, made by a man who had denied himself for too long. Saavik had made a choice once before, now Spock intended to return the favor, the only way he knew how.

Spock stepped down to the lower level of the deck and looked at her. Saavik was occupied watching her stars.

"Lieutenant," Spock said quietly. "This is going to be a dull shift. Since you appear to be distracted, and there is no foreseeable problem arising for the future of this mission, you may have the remainder of your shift off." Startled by his voice, Saavik looked into his eyes and caught a glimpse of something she had recently began to see, something that she couldn't quite put a name to.

"Yes, Sir. Thank you." Saavik secured her station and left the bridge. Spock caught her look as she stood in the turbo lift, waiting for the doors to close. Complete relief. Saavik's look was all Spock needed for his decision.

He went over to Uhura's station. "Commander. I have a matter which needs to be resolved elsewhere. I need you to watch the conn until the Captain Kirk comes on duty. I shall be unreachable for the next two shifts."

Uhura nodded and Spock turned on his heel and left. In the turbo lift, he closed his eyes and reached out with his mind...Will you...

Part 3: Thought

...trust me? Saavik looked up from her hands. Her mind went back to Genesis where she asked that question to a young Spock. Did he know? Did he remember? Saavik hoped he did not. But she need to confide in someone, she needed that more then anything. Her mind reached out to his. Is this the nature of that bond you spoke of when we were stranded? Is this the time? A single word reached out and touched her mind, Yes.

Saavik knew that Spock was on his way. There was no use pretending that her condition was anything less then physical. Spock, Saavik guessed, had uncovered the truth. Saavik went out of her way to avoid him the past few days, and had even went as far as switching shifts with Commander Chekov to avoid being anywhere near him, where he could pick up on her thoughts or see the condition she was in. Saavik had not been able to look him in the eye after his katra was reunited with his body. She didn't think she could do so now either, not without betraying what had been building for four years.

Spock stood outside her quarters. He didn't know what to expect. He sighed deeply and quietly said to the computer. "Computer, when I have entered this room, engage security under my voice command only." Spock had disengaged the buzzer, the internal monitors and communications from his own quarters. Spock knew that Saavik was like him, requiring privacy. Spock quizzed the computer one more time. "Comply?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Affirmative." the computer responded. Spock let out a small sigh of relief. He couldn't afford any distractions, not now.

Spock entered the room, behind him, the door locked. For the first time in months, they were alone, face to face (sort of). He stood with his hands clasped behind his back. Saavik tried, but could not look at him.

"You seemed distracted during your shift, Saavik. Is there anything troubling you that I should be aware of, as your commanding officer?" Spock was using formality. Saavik bit her tongue to avoid the heated reply she wanted to say to him. Yes, Spock, something is wrong. Saavik looked up and met his gaze, the first time in a long while that she had been able to.

"I didn't want you to know. You have too much to do already then occupy yourself with me. This is something that I can take care of on my own." Spock quietly crossed the room and stood directly in front of her.

"No," Spock said gently. "You can not take care of this by yourself. Only another Vul..." Saavik did not allow him to get the rest of the sentence out.

"Another Vulcan can what, Spock?" Saavik raised her own eyebrow. "What truly brings you here? Concern? Obligation? Vulcan honor?" Saavik watched his face to see if any of these registered in his eyes. Saavik had made her mind up long ago that the only way she would accept him was by his own admission, not pity, guilt or honor. And least of all, duty. She saw nothing, except a steady gaze. She asked the final portion. "Or is it a decision between duty and love?" Saavik saw it then. In Spock's face, something registered. "Which is it?" Saavik pressed.

Spock studied her for a moment. Saavik could tell that he was carefully formulating a reply. When Spock finally spoke, she was moved as she never had been before.

"Saavik," Spock began. "It is a decision that I arrived at, by logic and something that I can only call 'intuition'. I know what you are going through. I know the burning of your blood. I would be lying if I told you that duty did not have something to do with why I am here. I took a responsibility or duty when I took you off of Hellguard and brought you with me. It was my duty when I taught you. It was my duty to see that you were taken care of. " Spock paused, weighing his next words carefully. "However, it is love that has brought me here now."

Saavik didn't know what to think. The admission in his words had, to quote humans, shocked her. She had expected logic. Anything less from Spock would have made her doubt all his motives. She broke her gaze from him and stared straight ahead, toward the door, concentrating on one spot. His scrutiny made her cheeks flame even hotter.

Spock watched the dark head. "You saved my life more then once. Now, it is my turn." Spock said quietly. They had saved each others lives time and again, too many to count.

Saavik stood up and looked directly into his eyes. For a moment, neither of them spoke a word. She had looked into them when her body was borrowed and didn't see what she had then hoped to see. Now, everything she had ever dared to believe, lived in the warmth of Spock's dark eyes. Saavik understood. The openness of his thoughts came through silently, but clear in her mind. I can not afford to let you die. Spock heard her reply in the quiet of her quarters. I do not want to.

Spock gently lifted her chin with his finger. The slight contact with her made many feelings surface. Spock and Saavik knew what the other was thinking. Never, with the exception of giving her a new lease on life and world to call home, had Spock given her anything so openly. He had devoted much of his time, his life, for her.

"No, you must not. It is my problem." Saavik protested, tears suddenly springing to her eyes. Tears that she refused to let fall. Spock had only seen her cry once. She didn't want him to her cry again.

"It is not your problem, not yours entirely....not anymore." Spock said quietly. Spock looked at her intently and by instinct, kissed her. Nature took over. Saavik's arms went around his back and Spock drew her toward him. Only twice before had Saavik felt his heartbeat with hers, but never like this. The uncertainties faded into the embrace that they shared, gently forcing out the old rules and traditions. Two tormented souls found peace within the other.

They pulled away from each other, arms still about each other. Saavik saw a half smile on Spock's lips, something, she had never in her life seen him do. He gently pushed a curl from her forehead, realizing just how deep a bond they shared and how much Saavik affected him "I did not know."

"I didn't want you to know. I have for a long time."

"Why did you never say anything?" Spock raised his eyebrow, a gesture Saavik was all too familiar with.

"It wouldn't have been logical, Spock." Saavik said quietly. "I thought that perhaps you would not understand."

He raised his eyebrow again and she hesitantly reached up and touched it. A slight rush went through her finger and into her mind. "You do love me, don't you?" Spock let her go and turned his back to her. He unfastened the flap of his uniform jacket and pulled it off, laying it over her chair. Saavik began to wonder if he would have second thoughts. With his back still towards her, she heard the deep comforting voice say simply, "Yes". But Spock wasn't ready to say it himself. He could only answer her question, as he had always done. He turned back towards her, looking more at ease. Saavik had never seen him lower his control to such a level before.

"I did not want to tell you. Like yourself, I did not want you to know. I remember something more every time I look at you. Some feeling that I can not describe." His next words weren't exactly a plea. "I need you".

A lone tear escaped Saavik's eye and trailed down her cheek. Spock reached out and gently wiped it away. "I need you." Was all Saavik could reply.

Part 4: Interlude.

Captain Kirk came off the turbo lift, with Dr. McCoy on his heels. Kirk's enthusiasm died when he didn't see Spock at the science station. Uhura was in the center seat. When Kirk stepped down, she immediately got up.

"Where did Spock go?" Kirk asked.

Uhura stepped up to her communications station. "He didn't say, Captain. He just gave me the conn and said he wasn't going to be available for the next two shifts."

"Mmmm." Kirk replied. "Probably working down in the labs. We won't disturb him. He likes to study new phenomenons." Kirk smiled and noticed the helm chair empty.

"Uhura," the communications officer turned in her chair. "Isn't Saavik suppose to be on duty?"

"Yes, sir. Spock relieved her before he left. He said something about there being no need to have her here."

"Oh. Probably down in the lab helping him."

McCoy leaned toward Kirk. "Two Vulcans in the same room. Should we be worried?" The wry humor tinged his voice.

"Nah, two Vulcans in a lab doing scientific research is to them what Christmas is to us. May as well leave them alone."

Part 5: The Heat of Touch

Spock lifted his hand, fingers splayed in a familiar V shape. Saavik stepped up to him, her hand in mirror image. Quietly in fashion with the old ways and traditions, they pressed their hands together. Each felt the warmth that came from deep within. Saavik was amazed at what the touch was doing to her. She hadn't felt this intensity with him before, and certainly not back on Genesis. The emotion and meaning of the ritual felt right, almost overpowering.

No words were spoken. Each took what the other had to give. Watching each other, they let their hands do the talking. Saavik shivered as his fingers touched hers and drew down along her knuckles and back up to their origin. The touch was intense. When Saavik replied to his touch, Spock felt the same. The gentle touch of her fingers and heat in them was affecting him.

As their hands continued their dance, each began to understand what the other was like. Saavik began thinking of the times she had done something wrong (especially at the first) and how Spock never held it against her. She had made a few mistakes and his acceptance never wavered, even for a moment. She had given her soul on Hellguard so that he wouldn't die on her world. On Genesis, she knew that if she didn't assist him, he would die yet again. She had saved him the first time she met him. Spock had once told her that she needed to follow her own path. Saavik reasoned her path would always somehow lead back to Spock. It hadn't been disproved.

As Saavik reasoned within the confines of her mind, Spock did the same thing. He had been witness to Saavik's growth into adulthood. When he first met her, he had sensed an intense intelligence that needed to be stimulated and a curiosity about the universe equal to his own. She mirrored Spock to an extent and built upon that, her own ways. Saavik had never let him down and Spock in turn had learned patients that he himself did not know he had. He was drawn to her then and even more so now. In fact, Spock had never noticed the profound change in Saavik. He had never seen her grow. He quickly assessed that he never truly found it in his heart to leave her behind, even when he went with the crew of the Enterprise back to Earth. She grew into a beauty that he could appreciate. Never taking their eyes from one another, their fingers entwined, signifying an end and a new beginning.

Part 6: "Touched and always touching."

Spock noticed that the color was still high in Saavik's cheeks. Logic told him that time was of the essence, that the matter needed to be taken care of, and quickly. But logic also told him, that there was more then just the physical contact, that they needed to make the bond complete. He felt a small hesitation from his own mind, but dismissed it quickly. Spock gestured to Saavik to take a seat. She obediently sat and watched as he pulled up another chair.

"Now?" Saavik asked. She had melded with Spock before, but not on a level such as this. Saavik knew that the intensity of the meld would bond them together for the rest of their lives, never breaking unless one were to die. From here on out, they would be able to feel and be conscious of the others presence. The thought comforted and scared her at the same time. Spock was the closest person she knew, the bond would make them closer. Saavik was saddened that the relationship could never be as it was, as a teacher and his student. Now, their actions dictated that they were to be life long partners. Saavik held his gaze.

" Yes. I have described to you before the nature of the bond." Spock said. "The bond will determine our lives and define our actions." He paused for emphasis. "There is no turning back once we have begun. You do understand?" Saavik understood that Spock was giving her an opportunity to make a choice between the bond being permanent or just for the moment. Given her knowledge of her own condition and Spock's, she knew that only one decision could be drawn.

"Then we meet the challenge. I understand. No matter where our careers take us, should the occasion arise, we shall seek each others minds for guidance, traditions and desire. You told me this once before." Saavik took a small breath. "We need not ever speak of this conversation again, Spock."

Spock raised an eyebrow in answer. Saavik had answered in an affirmative way that he could never question. Spock knew that he was also making a life long commitment that he could never break. Yet again, Spock knew about commitment. He had once given his life for it.

"Saavik, you have no reservations?" Spock wanted to be absolutely sure.

"I may still have a lot to learn about Vulcan customs, philosophies and traditions. But I have no reluctance or hesitation." Saavik took Spock's hands in hers. "You told me everything a long time ago. You did not have to, yet you did. You have never held anything back from me. I welcome the chance to know what you know and see what you see."

Spock spoke gently. "Touched. And always touching."

"Yet when parted, I will seek thee." Saavik returned.

Ever so gently, Spock placed his fingers on the pressure points on her the sides of her face. His touch was light and Saavik could barely tell that his fingers were even on her. Fingers that radiated a heat that was strangely comforting. Saavik reached up and placed her own fingers on the pressure points on Spock's face. She closed her eyes and let her mind go.

Saavik began to see...

At first there was a sensation of falling. Saavik felt no need to prepare herself for the landing. In Spock's mind, he would catch her. He always had. When she felt the sensation ebb, she found herself in hallway. Doors lined it. Heavy doors that looked like they wouldn't open, even for her. She was surprised when she opened the first one. It contained all the worlds and experiences he had in Starfleet. Like a library tape, she saw how he had sacrificed his life for the Enterprise and her crew. She saw and remembered how she felt when she learned what happened. Deep seeded anger and grief had overwhelmed her. She saw herself in her quarters, fighting back tears and how she suddenly straightened up, as if Spock had still been with her.

"You knew? You were dead, Spock. How did you know what I did after the announcement was made about your death?"

"I had not fully integrated myself into McCoy's mind. I wandered through this ship, in essence, becoming part of it. I knew I had succeeded. It was by chance that I came to you. I wanted to tell you good bye, that you were now free to follow your own path. I suppose I could ask the same of you. You sensed me."

"How could I not." Saavik felt herself communicate. "You were the only one I could tell my shortcomings to. You left me. I felt that the best part of me died. Buy your death also signified a rebirth for me. I quickly came to the realization that I knew what you wanted me to be. I chose the Vulcan path. I transferred to Grissom, to become a scientist. I knew I could not stay where your memory was. Then we found your tube, I could not bear the thought of seeing you, as you had died. But when Dr. Marcus opened the lid and you were not there, I found myself daring to hope that maybe this was a dream. Then we found you, a regenerated soul, but not the man that I had come to know."

The door closed on her. She found herself in the hallway with Spock, his essence. He gestured to another door. Inside was the one thing that she had never been able to get out of her mind. Spock and Saavik in the cave. She took a hesitated step toward the door. Saavik turned back toward Spock.

"I thought that you did not remember."

Spock came up behind her and laid his hands on her shoulders. The touch, though not real, was comforting. "I did not, for along time. I told you once that I was a primal being, following the only path that I could. My conscious was within the good doctor. But there was a certain amount of what was regenerated that registered. You asked me if I trusted you. You led me through a most difficult passage. Your instinct saved me from death again. After the refusion, you could not look me in the eye. I dwelled on that for a long time. Scenes came back to me. I knew what you were doing."

"I could not blame you. I did not want to embarrass you, so I treated you indifferently." The door closed on the scene and they were left in the brightness. Spock gently turned her around so even in his mind, he could look at her directly.

"To remind you of what happened on Genesis would not have been logical. After I began relearning, I realized that I could love and feel. You were foremost on my mind, so I ignored you, so I could protect myself. Then I saw your look when I came on the Bird of Prey. You tried to reconcile yourself and when you left, I could tell you were upset. It was then that I began to re-evaluate my feelings. Much was coming back."

"I thought the healers..."

Spock laid a finger on her lips. "We never need speak of it again. That was then. We have a future to consider. No more dwelling. It is now a new beginning."

Saavik allowed herself to smile. The hallway faded into a beautiful display of light that bathed both of their minds. All knowledge that each had accumulated became the memory of the other. The touch was deep and their minds became one. She saw all that he had ever seen, all his secrets, his love for her. Spock saw all she had ever seen and experienced all she had ever felt. The bond went much deeper then a conventional meld.

Saavik opened her eyes when she felt his mind retreat and his fingers leave. She looked up at him. "Spock?"

His deep brown eyes sparkled with more then customary fascination. "Saavik." Her eyes asked Is there more?

Saavik's fever had lessened but was still there. Spock looked at her intently. "What is wrong?"

"I still feel the burning of my blood. Spock, it is getting worse." Spock held two fingers out to her and she held hers out, touching his. His other hand, he gently laid across her forehead. Time was running out. Spock knew there would be no going back. Not now, not ever.

"We need to..." Even now, Spock had a hard time saying what had to be said. "...we need to consummate our bond. "

"Spock, I've only done it once, but not...like this. The last time was so different." Spock looked at Saavik. He knew she could withstand the ways of the Vulcan ritual, he had no doubt, but he was as troubled as she. Saavik rose and paced, her arms crossed in front of her. Spock watched behind steepled fingers. He knew how different this was going to be from Leila and Zarabeth. Saavik was an extension of himself. Admit it, he thought, you have never experienced this with any of your own kind.

"Are you frightened?" Spock asked her.

"No. More embarrassed." she paused. "I know that is not logical, but that is the only word that can describe...this situation. If we must, we must." Saavik stood with her back to Spock, her arms still across her. Spock stood came towards her and with a gentleness that he himself did not know he possess, wrapped his arms around her waist. He held onto her hands as if should he let go, she would be gone. Her eyes closed at the contact.

Fully clothed, yet the heat burned and was felt by both of them. Spock had not known a woman could do this to him, and he had been close to a few. He felt her burning and knew that she was making his own blood boil. Not even the time displacement with Zarabeth had made him burn like he was now. Saavik brought out what could only be the human part of him. He was beginning to understand now. He had in his arms not the girl he had raised, but a woman. Not even really a woman. Almost like a wife. Spock thought.

Part 7: ..."Of heat, love and desire."

Saavik turned in Spock's arms and looked into his eyes. The dark brown eyes glittered in a fashion that she found compelling. Arms entwined about each other, they looked into each others eyes. Spock had found out long ago, from watching his friend Jim, that eyes talked better then words. The customs of Vulcan were placed to the side. Spock kissed her forehead, the tip of her nose and saved her lips for last. Only when they were both sure of the consequences of their actions and that they could not go back, did they begin to feel desire. Hand in hand, they entered Saavik's sleeping quarters.

Initially, there was some embarrassment. Neither had seen each other in this fashion nor could they hide amusement at the others bodies. The first time he looked at her, his mind quickly flashed on her on Hellguard, naked with the exception of some rags tied around her waist. She had turned out beautiful, her body perfect with the exception of scar along her collar bone. Saavik's skin was smooth and part of Spock ached to reach out and touch her. But he waited. Saavik was indeed, well worth the wait.

When he did the same, she found herself drawn to him in a way that if she were rational, would drive her insane. His body was slender, and showed none of the effects of the radiation that killed him. Unknown to her, he had dark hair that ran down his chest, running down his abdomen. Saavik wanted nothing more then to feel him against her skin, a touch more intimate then a touch of the hands. A small voice in the back of her head called out Saavik, this is the man that saved your life as a child. Surely you cannot think of taking him as a lover. Your logic has escaped you. Saavik tuned out the voice. She had started down this path on Genesis. It was now time to see where the path would end up. The chill of the room made her crawl under her covers and close her eyes. Saavik never felt him lay down beside her and pull the cover over himself too. In the dim light and the red glow of the meditation stone in her quarters, Spock pulled Saavik to him.

No words were spoken. Gentle tracings of ears and brow lines. Of lips, jawline and collar bones. She drew in a breath when Spock's finger traced the scar across her collar bone. When she had been examined by doctors, never had the touch affected her so. She closed her eyes to the sensation that his touch was bringing. He raised an eyebrow. Did I hurt you? came the question into her mind. No. Her mind replied. Intensity of pleasure that I did not know I possessed.

They continued, gentleness being the greatest factor. Spock found he could not be harsh with her. He allowed himself the satisfaction of knowing that he could not rush this. The feelings flowing between the two was something that he in his collective memory could not even recall. With Saavik beneath him, he found a desire that could not be quenched. Her eyes pleaded with him to not hurry and even in the heat of passion, Spock could tell her thoughts from the meld. Their union was of electricity and fire. The fires on Vulcan had never burned as brightly as it did between them. Not even the occasion of consummation could equal the pleasure, love and desire that each felt for each other. The consummation made them one, as if they were made to be together, that two pieces of a puzzle fit. Happiness, contentment, peace, ebbed out of their passion in a way that was more fulfilling then the acquisition of knowledge. A road had begun long ago, now the lovers had found each other. Spent and happy from their union, they slept in each others arms, their hearts beating as one, together and forever. Saavik felt the fever lessen, and her body began to feel normal again.

She had never felt anything more thrilling then Spock within her, mind and body, until she fell asleep in his arms, gentle and shy smiles on both sets of lips. . . .

Spock automatically awakened himself. He looked at Saavik in the light of man who had just woken from a dream that he didn't want to wake from. He watched her a long time in the silence of the room. He was ready to admit to himself, something that he did not usually think about. In Saavik, Spock had found love. He was in love with her. Of course, Saavik would be the only one who would know it. Not even Jim, Spock thought. He reached over and gently brushed back her hair from her ears, ears like his. A soft smile played on her sleeping lips and Spock leaned down and kissed them. Saavik's eyes opened.

"Better?"

"Much. Thank you." Spock held her to him.

"I had no idea of what the bond would be like. Saavik, I...I," The Vulcan stammered, one of the few times he had ever done it. He knew now he could admit what he felt openly. "I love you." Spock smiled, the first time she had ever seen him do so. "I can not imagine my life, without you at my side. You are the other part of me."

"You need not ever tell me again Spock. I see it when I look in your eyes. There have been so many times that I wanted to talk to you, but I wasn't sure what you would think. You have been my savior, my mentor, my teacher, my conscious, my memory, my dreams, my heart, my affection, my officer, my captain, my friend, and now my lover. No other can have a claim to me like that. You are my dearest friend. I know no other words. Your almost like a. . . ." Saavik couldn't finish. She did not dare hope. Spock raised only an eyebrow.

"Saavik." Spock held her gaze. "I can call you nothing now that will equate with what you have become. By every bond, you are my wife. "

"Then I can call you my husband."

Spock's eyes took on a playfulness. "By love and duty." Then he took on a somber look. "However, you do realize that you could..." Spock couldn't finish.

"Spock, if it does, then all of this was more then worth it. That is part of this path we have taken. You would make a wonderful father." Saavik's eyes sparkled. They both had time. For the second time, not by duty, by obligation, or tradition, but for the sake of love and desire, Spock and Saavik made love.

Part 8: Well...

True to his word, Spock came back on duty after two shifts had passed. Saavik followed him out of the turbo lift and took her position at the helm. McCoy noticed something different about the way they both walked, that they had done something. Probably discovered a new factor in a gaseous anomaly. You just never know about Vulcans. Unknown to McCoy and their friends on the bridge, Spock and Saavik were having a chuckle, deep within their minds. One just never knew.