IDIC Solutions Part III - A Son’s Confusion
By: Lisa AKA FireStar
October 05, 2006

Disclaimer: Star Trek in all its forms belongs to the corporations
and others. No profit will be made by this fan fiction by others or
me. It may not be bought or sold. This is just for our enjoyment and
to tie up loose ends that drove me crazy.

Rating : R ( References to extreme Violence)

Archive: Selek and Kerjen - Yes to anyone else just let me know where. Just please ensure the disclaimer is there.

Summary: Pride in Accomplishments makes certain Vulcan's acknowledge
their feelings. A companion Piece to A Father's pride and Joy.
Spock's POV.

IDIC- Solutions: Series Part III

A Son's Confusion

Rating :R - See above notes

Captain Spock watched the ceremony with a certain pride and
pleasure. He of course hid his joy and sense of great pride behind
his "Vulcan Mask"

He would however admit to himself if no one else his sense of
Pride. While Pride was an emotion in this case his reasons were
logical and in fact the cause was more then sufficient. His Metee or
Protégée as humans would call it was graduating second in her class
from Star Fleet Academy.

While many might consider second place to be a losing proposition
Spock did not. He watched as the well formed young woman walked with
great confidence and perhaps a certain arrogance across the stage.
He suppressed a smile at her long confident strides. Saavik of
Vulcan as she was know had never even in her earliest days had never
lacked confidence or presence.

Spock would admit to few that he had from the first been drawn to
this girl-child. Yes, as much as the humans may consider Saavik and
adult at 20 she was still very much a child by Vulcan standards. He
almost did smile at that thought as he to had graduated from this
very institution at 21. He had felt so very grow up how little he
had known.


Spock looked over and noted his venerable father Sarek of
Vulcan "The Ambassador" was watching with unrestrained pride.

This illogical action confused his son deeply. Spock recalled his
own graduation day and his deep hope that his father would be
present. He had been disappointed in this. He to control that
painful memory because it had been a joyful day for him in all other
regards. His mentor Admiral T'Pol had been present as had his Mother
Amanda Grayson and her family. He to had placed second in his class.

Perhaps that was the source of pride that despite the trials she had
endured Saavik strong will and determination had allowed her to
excel and to equal his own humble accomplishments. He was the first
to admit that Saavik's achievement was far greater then his own.
Spock knew he had been the one with every advantage from his
earliest conception. He had the best minds in the Federation and on
Vulcan work to help create his life. A life he knew both his parents
cherished despite their differences in option over his career. For
surly the opposite of love was hate.

He knew Sarek hated his career and he often thought by extension
himself. His mother Amanda said this was not so but sometimes in his
weakest moments Spock had to wonder? Spock watched as Sarek showed
pride in Saavik. Why could it not have been the same for him? Or
even simple acceptance?

Spock forced those thoughts aside as he watched the one person who
had always accepted him for himself receive her honors. from the
very first this child had been there for him. Saavik had never
thought of him as lacking. She had from their first meeting been his
staunches defender.

He smiled as he recalled how a then ten year old Saavik had saved
his life. Of course she might be older or younger it was hard to
tell but she had been so young. He could not and would not say
innocent because like all the children of hell guard that precious
quality had been ripped away by her Romulan Captors. Saavik had
fought for ever breath ,ever scrape of food she consumed. She had to
kill and eat meat to survive. When he had meet her she had been more
savage then sentient.

While Spock had been created to be a symbol of unity for his father
and mother Saavik and the other children had been created by rape
and torture to spit the already divided Romulan and Vulcan peoples
further apart still.

Spock knew he had been created in a laboratory but his creation was
a gift from his father to his mother. Sarek could easily have sought
or insisted on a surrogate for his heir but it was a measure of his
devotion to his bond and his very human wife that he had ordered the
best minds to find a way for his Vulcan and Amanda's human DNA to
create a viable being. Spock knew his mother well. She loved him he
had no doubts about that but her devotion to her husband would have
allowed her to bow to his desires had he wanted a full Vulcan child.
He knew this single act his conception had given Sarek the last hold
on his human wife. Amanda had loved Sarek before his birth but after
it was even more ingrained. Spock had no real illusions his mother
would never survive the lose of his father. She could survive his
demise. It would hurt her deeply but as long as she had Sarek she
would be fine.

He shuttered as his mind drifted back to the Babel Mission. He had
seen first hand how devoted she was. She would have risked the
entire diplomatic mission and the Enterprise to Save Sarek. There
had been no other task she deemed as important as saving Sarek. He
remembered the blow she had delivered to his face. He had on one
level been deeply hurt ,.but on an other he did understand. Amanda
had always assumed she would die first. Faced with a differing
scenario she was afraid and lost. She looked to him to be the key to
saving his father's life. In the end he had done that. He sighed as
he put the past away it had no place here.

His thoughts drifted back to his Saavik.


Saavik had fought her way to being accepted. She had resisted and
then accepted help. She never was one to follow blindly. He recalled
the myriad of questions.

Flashback-

"Spock why is the Sky blue here on Earth? Why is it red on Vulcan?"

"Spock why am I stronger then those boys? Are not boys supposed to
be stronger then girls?"

"Saavik the sky is blue or red because of the way the light is
filtered and the nature of the light from the differing types of
suns. "

"Saavik you are Vulcan/Romulan"

"Am not! Not a Romulan!!!" She would shout. Her body tensed and
angry.

Calmly Spock would begin again. "Now Saavikam listen to me. Vulcan's
and Romulans are of the same blood. We are brothers and sisters. "

Saavik stopping her tirade at once to say:

"You not my broter Spock. You are not my father neither!"

He raise a brow "No , I am not your brother or father Saavik."

The child looked at him strangely and smiled.

He heard a chuckle and watched as his mother and Sarek come in.

"What Spock means child ,is that while humans boys/ males have many
fine qualities Vulcan's and even Romulan's have greater strength."
Amanda explained.

"No like human boys. They laugh at me!!! I hit!!" Saavik
said."Humans is stupid!"

Sarek had raised a brow. "Now Saavik it is not the boys fault they
lack emotional control. They are children and even Vulcan children
must learn control. Humans have many fine individuals. Look to T`
Amanda as a guide to what a good human must be."

"Thanks Sarek now I am a role model for humanity?" Amanda said
chuckling.

"You are the best most logical human there is my wife."

"Why is that Sarek?"

"Because you bonded with me." Sarek replied with a straight face.

Spock had been slightly shocked at this teasing display and not to
pleased with either of his parents . What example were they setting
for the impressionable Saavik?


"What good qualities T ` Manda? " Saavikl asked

"Yes my wife what fine qualities do you like in Human Males.?" Sarek
asked.

Amanda giggled "They are not perfect. Unlike their Vulcan
counterparts."

Sarek's brow had raised with amusement.

Spock had to look away he felt so outside his parents circle.

Saavik walked to his side and took his hand.

"Spock I sorry I hit stupid boys."

He looked down. " I know Saavik I am certain the cause was
sufficient." He excused her faults because no one had excused his
own.


Back to the present -

He watched as Saavik came toward him now to give the traditional
salute. He spotted Sarek beaming with a father's pride. He did not
begrudge this because in many ways Sarek had helped raise Saavik.

Spock once more looked up again and was suddenly struck by how
mature she looked. She was by far the perfect Vulcan female. Grace
and beauty in a most lethal package. He could see no spare fat on
her frame only solid muscle and the grace of a leythmayth. It was
as if life had forged Saavik into the perfect foil for himself. He
watched her come to him and realized he would have to burry this
realization this sudden longing and need. It was not fair to burden
Saavik with his wants, needs and desires. It was enough he would
remain her mentor and father figure. If Saavik guessed at his
longing she was just enough Romulan to come to him as a payment of
honor. That he could never stand. No she had to be free to find love
and happiness. Yes, he wanted those emotional gifts for her. He was
enough of her father to want a man who would be perfect for her.
Spock knew himself well he had a list of failings. He would never be
worthy of one as unique and special as Lt. Saavik of Vulcan.

Spock saluted her sharply and took the traditional gold and silver
coin from her hand. He would wear it close to his heart but Saavik
would never know he had fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with
her.

--------------

Across the forum Sarek watched this scene unfold and smiled.

Sarek looked at Spock thinking. {I am proud of them both. If only
they would unite and make our house strong and viable again. }

Sarek resolved to assist them after all it was only logical that
both his pride and his joy be one house and one person a family.

"Saavik be perfect for Spock." Amanda said

"I concur and so it shall be."

-----------------------------------------------

Spock and Saavik spoke with Captain Kirk and Dr. Mc Coy as they
discussed the ceremony. All of them unaware that this day was the
beginning of a new family line.